well you can't waste a boner
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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