this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
