There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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