"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
