we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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