Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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