There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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