rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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