I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
