quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
