She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
