I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
