If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
