She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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