ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
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