Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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