Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize