Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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