Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
