well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
