That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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