No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
