well I can't set my house on fire every night
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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