chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
