ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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