took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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