my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
