Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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