idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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