Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
