I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
