she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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