My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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