So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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