Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
