In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
