she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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