Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
