I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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