I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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