Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
