My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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