Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
