take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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