I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You did what with his pubic hair?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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