I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize