I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
