you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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