My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
