Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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