I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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