I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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