Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
