I accidentally had phone sex last night
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
