I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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