I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
