Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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