You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize