the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
