you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
