Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize