I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
