Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Panties = found
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
