i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
