It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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