I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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