Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize