I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
nutella sex= disaster
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Randomize
