there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
