I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
