dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
