my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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