its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
