i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
