apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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