I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
