She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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