I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you had me at cake vodka
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
