forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
