So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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