He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
