CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
