I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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