he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
