I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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