thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
