woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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