I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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