Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
