My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
