I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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