I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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