Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
