omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
