do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
