My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
