and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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