new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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