you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You ruined the universe
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
