dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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