I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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