I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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