Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
