he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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