If you die in college, do you die in real life?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
